Dear Writers of Fanfiction
by Hugtheplanet
Summary: Because we need one of these for Scorpius and Lily.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Rose better keep her filthy mudblood paws off of my man!

…

That came out wrong. Sorry, Aunt Hermione.

Sincerely,

Lily

**A/N: So, what do you think? Just a random idea. I loved all those 'Dear Writers' fics, so I thought, 'hey, why not do one of my own? Only make it even better by making it Scorpilly?' So most of these chapters will be Scorpius/Lily themed, and will be pretty anti-Rose. So, uh, Rose fans… you might not want to be around. Love you guys and review please! **


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Sorry. Lily's my bitch.

Insincerely,

Scorpius

PS: Scorose sounds like a fucking disease.

**A/N: I got the Scorose bit off of someone else's fic. Don't own that line. Review! **


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Seriously, I need more me and Scorpius fanfiction. We are, like, so _perfect_. I mean, everyone loves me because my parents are so famous and all. And we could do, like, a totally unoriginal _Romeo and Juliet_ story. Because my dad, like, hates Scorpy's family.

With my totally not-Mary-Sue love,

Rose

**A/N: I'm sorry to those of you that have heard this before. I absolutely ****hate**** Rose. She's so perfect in fanfiction- it's disgusting. Anyway, thanks to my one reviewer! Wanna add on to that number?**


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

For what it's worth, we're huge Scorpilly fans. (We even got the shirts!) At least Potter knows how to act like a respectable person. And her family's rich. And, you can't deny the fact that we have bloody shirts.

Shrugging off the jealousy of others,

Lucius and Narcissa

**A/N: So I realized my chapters were turning into Rose rants. I'll try to change that. Review, please!**


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Please write some Scorpilly. It's the fantasy I never had!

…

Um, that was awkward. How about: it's original and entertaining?

All my love,

Lily (Evans)

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! This didn't flow as much as I would've liked it to. Review [again]!**

**Err… Here's me trying to speak Spanish: **

_**Scorly- Hablo espanol, mas o menos. Estoy muy feliz que te gustas mi cuento. Si puedes, tienes mi permissio para traducir este cuento en espanol. Lo siento por los accentos y mi espanol- soy un estudiante en espanol! **_


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

So, since James is sulking in the corner because of something Lily said, I FINALY get to use the computer! WIN!

Now, about this Scorpilly stuff… it's the shit. Do you know how much I can mock a Malfoy with it?

Mock a Malfoy… it's kinda catchy… I like it. I can't wait for Lucius and Narcissa to come up!

Bottoms up,

Padfoot (because I'm not feeling Serious)

**A/N: Who doesn't love Sirius? I love him way more than I love reviews, but I still need 'em!**


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Between you and me, Lily Malfoy sounds a hell lot better than Rose Malfoy.

Respectfully,

Hermione Weasley

_Head of the DMLE _

**A/N: Hello, me again! Please review, even if it's a flame! I'm done trying to make these less opinionated. Anyway, I'll take requests… **


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

What the _hell_ have I done to deserve this?

…

On second thought, don't answer that. But just so you know, I'd rather have my son screw around with Potter and Weaselette's daughter than with some random Weasley. At least people will know which redhead we're talking about.

I hate you all,

Draco

**A/N: **

**I am so sorry for not updating sooner! I had finals, ugh. But thanks to all my reviewers! *sigh* I love Draco. The redhead line is just a reference to the very many Weasleys. Not that I'm complaining. Hey- JKR made her boys **_**good**_**. **


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

WHAT THE HELL IS A HUFFLEPUFF!

I swear to Dumbledore that I'll _Crucio_ your asses if another one of you creatures puts me in Hufflepuff again.

Pissed off,

Lily

**A/N: I couldn't resist! **


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I don't want to hear "it", I mean the stories where I hate Lily because she's not a pureblood. I have been in Azkaban, I cannot go out in public anymore, and my surname now only means about as much as our family business turns out. Pureblood means absolutely nothing. As long as my grandson marries someone who's not a bitch/prick/git, I don't care who she is. Which is why I don't like that Rose girl.

Sincerely,Lucius Malfoy

**A/N: This beauty is the work of the fabulous Sara Darkotter! And I think that she makes an excellent point here. **


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Reasons why I ship Scorpily:

1. Scorpius is much closer to Lily's age

2. He's barely related to her

3. He doesn't practically live with her

4. He's not DATING VICTOIRE WEASLEY

Godric's Hallow, you people are disgusting. Kindly do not put me and Lily together. Even Uncle Charlie is grossed out by it and he once saw a dragon throw up a mix of fire and cow, have diarrhea and give birth. All at the same time.

Sincerely,

Teddy Lupin

**A/N: Okay, what do you think? Personally, I've always hated this pairing almost as much as I dislike Dramione. I mean, he's her god brother for crying out loud! Oh and a side note, DMLE stands for Department of Magical Law Enforcement.**


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I think coming back for round 3 would be pushing my luck.

But, for the record, if I did choose to, I'd go after the Potter girl- not that Rose person. Like, come on! Think this through guys! I hate Harry Freakin' Potter- not the Mudblood or the ginger. Why would I go after their kid?

Scorpily FTW,

Lord Voldemort

**A/N: Godric's bleeding Hollow! I am a HORRIBLE person! Let's just say that life caught up to me. Anyway, moment of the day: We're watching the Sword in the Stone [Disney] in Spanish. I loved the wolf! And the owl! And, whenever Merlin came on, I would lean over to my friends and whisper-shout "HE WAS A SLYTHERIN!" And whenever magic was done, I'd have my dorky moment… *sigh* Good times… Good times… **


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Normally, I'd just ignore this shit. Seriously [shut it, Black], some of you lot have some fucked up minds. But this? Last straw guys. The whole Rose/Scorpius stuff is so clichéd. He's madly in love with her, he's an ass to her. She acts like a self-righteous idiot. They fall in love. Some clichéd he-was-cheating-on-me scene then the whole "It wasn't like that." The unexpected love. Yeah, yeah. This sounds awfully familiar… oh, right! Because this is the James/Lily love story! Godric, get some new plot lines!

The Original Ass, the Best Marauder, the Hottest Bloke on the Planet, the Funniest Bloke on the Planet and the most Supermegafoxyhotawesome Bloke in the Universe,

James Potter

A/N: So I figured that James was overdue. Anyway, I need your help on something… I'm currently writing several [hopefully] massive Scorpius/Lily fics. But, I'm writing them at the same time. So, while reviewing (*hint hint*) just tell me which one you'd like to see first, just so that I can organize my priority list.

1. The Medusa Plot: (Yes, I borrowed the title of the 39 Clues book) [international murder mystery]. Inspired by Bliss and Butterflies and Hurricanes (Muse).

_It's funny how a single choice can change your life forever. You'll always look back and wonder, what if? All is well in Wizarding Britain. Too well. Eyelids are ripped open, blood is spilled and, baby, we're going down. Lily swore to go down in flames. _

2. **Untitled** (All muggle) [Romance, Drama, Adventure] _When Herman Recuso gives his top journalists Lily Potter and Scorpius Malfoy the chance of a life time, they can't pass it up. This could revolutionize their careers, their reputations and their very own point of view. Welcome to the ancient land that kisses the Himalayan mountains and connects cultures around the world. One problem. Scorpius and Lily hate each other. _

3. Rosie (No, not Rose Weasley). [slight historical fiction, all muggle] _The world belongs to men. It's time that the ladies took their power back. Lily's the best in the field. No denying it. Scorpius's the best in the field. No avoiding it. A new guy comes in the picture. To be exterminated. A web of lies is spawning. When it breaks… _


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

I am a very patient woman. You should consider yourself lucky. I have dealt with Granger, Potter, every member of the Weasley family, most of Hufflepuff, most of Slytherin, half of Ravenclaw, the Dark Lord, my sister, Parkinson, Lovegood, Zabini and just about everyone in the Wizarding World. Even an has traumatized my husband even further, and has given my mother-in-law and I some very good bonding time.

But this? It's too much! You can fuck over my husband, but the second you fuck over my _son_, your ass is over my mantle and your head is on my wand.

And how do you fuck over my son? By pairing him with Rose *shudders*. It almost makes me wish that the Dark Lord was still alive… Crap, now Auror Potter's coming. Not a good thing to yell about the Dark Lord… Unless I blame it on that Rose bitch… yeah, I like that plan!

Sexy and I know it,

_[I agree!] _

[Aww, Draco, you little shit… sit down!]

Astoria

**A/N: Okay! Massive letter! I read some comments about the three ideas I had taking over my brain, and I decided that I suck at summaries. So, I'm just going to post one chapter of each story, wait for a week, and whichever story gets the most reviews is what I'll start first. **


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Nice to know you all love me.

Seriously - shut up, cousin - I'm only a bastard to the Weasleys. Potter doesn't really count. LOL,

Lucius Malfoy

PS: LOL means 'lots of love,' right? Because that's what the Granger girl told me.

**A/N: I am so terrible! The guillotine should be brought back to be used on me! I am so sorry for not updating- life got in the way! School [math] was driving me insane, my dad had to go on some global expedition, one of my horses came down with colic and another horse was injured… it was all just a big mess! Thankfully, it's Spring Break and my horses are recovering. Anyway, I take requests - name a character, any character! **


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Nice to know you find our kids and us attractive. What's not nice is how you make them [the kids] rapists.

Please, save our kids - and us - from the ultimately superior gender (womenfolk, wives, crazy ex-girlfriends, etc.) by just skipping us in your stories and putting Scorpius and Lily together right away.

Honorably yours,

Every hot guy in the Potterverse not related to the Weasleys [particularly Oliver Wood *squeal* and Seamus Finnegan *squeal*]

**A/N: *sigh* Don't you just love these two? I was watching HP {PS/SS} with my bestie and she turns to me and says 'I'm so glad that Oliver Wood and Seamus Finnegan don't have any scenes together because I think I would have fainted by now.' LOL, how true is **_**that**_**? **


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Thank you for remembering me. Really. But I promise you, I'm not a bitch. If I was, Mamá would have smacked the living sh- never mind. Let's just say that 'bitch' is not chill with Mamá.

Do you know how many times I have had to comfort Teddy over his "pairing" with Lily? They're both horrified… I don't know why Lily is though…

Malédiction à vous tous,

Victoire

**A/N: Okay, so I had a request from The next Padfoot for Victoire, and here it is! Don't you just love the screen name? Don't forget to review, on here and on my other Scorpily fics! **


	18. Chapter 18

Dear Writers of Fanfiction,

Why can't couples break up for the reason of it just not working, for once? We are tired of all of us having to be assholes, bitches, brats, rapists, controlists... The list goes on.

Sincerely,

Every guy and girl that gets pre-paired with Scorpius and Lily

**A/N: *snorts* I was just bitching over this a few minutes ago… Anyway, this is an amazing point – I hate these clichés. This one's the work of Sara Darkotter – blimey, I owe her one *grins sheepishly* **


End file.
